Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school