just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
