i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome