My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some milfs here doing some blow
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"