I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.