I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.