Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
