i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
nutella sex= disaster
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
