I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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