all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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