Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
