On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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