Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize