from now on my penis is your penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
