I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
