"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Welp...herpes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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