in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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