I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
