Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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