Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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