just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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