Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
