Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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