The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
