You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just threw up on my dentist
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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