Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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