I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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