Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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