please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
