Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
