He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
