**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
