So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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