i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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