Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
