My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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