someone threw a dead crab at me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
