Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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