In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
