he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
