She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
