You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
