i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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