people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
