"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
