i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
