from now on my penis is your penis
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
