; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
