Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
