Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
