So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
