What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
