i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
