You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize