This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
