god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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