Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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