Tell her she can't have a vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
