sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
