i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize