Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
