I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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