I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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