Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize