My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
