yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
