I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
