you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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