I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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