You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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