you guys were way drunker than both of me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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